Networking and Business 101: “Excuse Me, But I Don’t Want to Talk To You Anymore”

by Sam Diener on September 17, 2009

You are an all-powerful networker.  Business cards rain down from the heavens.   Job offers flood your inbox.  You have to keep your cell phone on silent because it is constantly ringing.   People trample each other to get on your schedule for lunch or coffee.  But when you  are at a $500-plate dinner, you never have time for anyone… because you can’t get out of that boring conversation with that guy you met an hour and a half ago.   Snap out of it!

A graceful and polite exit strategy is a very real problem for the networker.  One of the hardest things to do when working a room is to leave a conversation without offending a contact.  However, in order to be an effective networker, you must master this skill.  If you don’t, you will find yourself going nowhere, literally…

That was a joke, did you get it?

One of the major things that you should take into consideration when ending a dialog is how important the contact is to you.   Leaving a discussion with a hiring manager or your boss is not nearly the same as leaving a conversation with a colleague.   Keep that in mind as you memorize, uh, read these tips – ordered from good to best.


  • DON’T use your body language to end a conversation. This includes tapping your foot, checking your watch, scanning the room.  If I am at a networking event and I see my contact doing this, I immediately (but politely) end the conversation and forget you.    Whether your behavior is intentional or not, this says, “I am bored with you


  • DON’T depart an exchange by using the excuse that you have to go to the bathroom or get more food. While this is easy to do, your reasons may be interpreted as: “My bodily needs are more important than this conversation.”


  • DO use a closer and a handshake: “It has been a pleasure meeting you,” or “I am going to go mingle,” or “Oh my, a friend has just walked in and I need to go greet them.” Honesty is the best policy here because the truth sounds the most sincere.


  • DO invite a previous contact into the conversation, and PROPERLY introduce them. Did you know there is a proper way to introduce someone?  I will go into that in another article.   Help the two or three people find a common ground, and then use a closer and a handshake.


  • DO use a summation closer (I just made this term up).   Summarize what you have talked about, talk about a future action, and then use a closer and a handshake.   An example: “Chris, I look forward to getting in touch with you next week about the astronaut position.  It’s been a pleasure meeting you.”    Another: “So I think what we should do is get in touch next week via email to discuss specifics and a time we can meet for coffee.  It has been nice chatting with you.  I am going to go and see if I can’t find some more prospects.”   If you know you are funny and have built a really good rapport, sometimes you can joke your way out:  “Excuse me, but I Don’t Want to Talk to You Anymore.”    Don’t try this unless you know for sure you can do it.


  • TRY THIS! This is by far the hardest way to leave a conversation and you must have another relationship with someone at the event. If you can pull this off, the result is excellent.  Invite someone into the conversation by using your body language.  Open up the conversation for the third person to enter by moving yourself shoulder to shoulder with your contact at a 45 degree angle.   Then make eye contact with your friend or mutual contact in the crowd.  This is a nonverbal invitation to join the conversation.   Then you can handshake and close with the original contact.   If it doesn’t work, you can always close your body language back off, and use one of the previous strategies mentioned before.   However, as I said, be careful with this strategy.  A failure with this is not pretty.




If you would like to help me keep writing, a simple comment on here or a referring site (eg. linked-in) or referring a friend really helps!! You wouldn’t believe how many more people read this stuff when one or two people endorse the work. And I like helping as many people as possible!

Conclusions: Well, that’s it. All there is to it. If you have any other techniques that work well, post em’. If it’s good, I’ll add it to the article, and give you credit. Let me know how these work for you. If you liked this article, I recommend clicking “related posts” below, and reading the other ones…. Good luck!

Kellie Bowers is the best editor ever! If there are any grammatical errors in this post, it’s my fault..

Tagged as: body language, career, How to network, job search, networking, networking event

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  • http://www.123LinkIt.com Yasmine

    Another great article – you’re really building a reputation for yourself on networking!

    I’m guilty of your second point and I’ve never thought about how it can be misinterpeted as rude behavior. I’ll definitely try out your “To Do” tips.

    You know what really annoys me? When someone interrupts a conversation you’re having with someone else and purposely steps in front of you, blocking you from the other person. What would you do in that case? Maybe worth an article?

  • Jacob Sharawi

    Well, I am sure there are many other ways to leave a conversation. I use my phone to do so, I programmed a speed dial button to ring my phone. I excuse myself saying that I have to take this call was great meeting you and we should keep in touch or get together for coffee soon.

    It is also best to work a room with a friend. you can back each other up on this I can share a few ideas as to how use others to get you out or a dull conversation.

  • Cheryl Gnad

    Thank you for the tips! I am guilty of getting involved with the people I talk with and have to remind myself that we are there to make as many relationships with others at the event as we can. Likewise, for those who are there too. So, making a great “mutual” dismissal, I have taken the opportunity to say — “It sounds like we would have much more to talk about, we should get together over coffee some time. Hey, I don’t want to keep you from meeting other folks here. Let’s stay in touch.” It is a kind reminder that we are meeting people primarily at the event and must move on.

  • http://Exec-Support.com Sonia Baxter

    Your third suggestion about inviting a previous contact into the conversation is great. But when I find that I really have nothing more to say, I usually try to look for someone in the room who I think would benefit from meeting that person or vice versa. If you have been attentive, you usually have an idea of someone else at the event whom they should meet. I have actually left the first conversation with the explanation that they need to meet so-in-so for whatever reason and that I am going in search of that person. Important to really go back to that original person if you cannot find the other contact so it never appears that you were lying. You can wait until you see that they are actively engaged in talking with another person and briefly just report back and quickly exit! After introductions, you then tell them the reason that they might want to talk, they feel you have given them exactly what they came for and you can easily exit by saying that you are going to leave the conversation so that they can share their common issues.

  • Anonymous

    All good suggestions, and I also use the summation closure technique. It really gives positive closure to the conversation because it shows that you were listening to the person as well! In response to Jasmine’s question regarding the person who inserts themselves, univited into the middle of conversation, I have experienced that and I have found the following to be a graceful ways of handling it.
    I will say ” oh excuse me, I ‘m sorry if I gave the impression that I finished speaking with Joe. (or whatever the name of person you were talking with). Followed by, “I’m still in the middle of making a discussion. If its alright, I ‘d like to finsh and then you can have the floor.” This allows the person to save face and enables me to maintain my self esteem. Hope this helps.

  • Suzan

    Thanks…I didn’t expect a whole blog response when I asked about polite ways to excuse myself from a conversation while networking. These are very helpful tips, since I never want to offend the other person.

  • MattyMat

    “Since this is a networking event, you probably want to talk to more people, right?”

    Works every time.

  • http://www.runlancaster.com/blog Carol Deckert, Networking Coach

    This is a wonderful networking article with information that many people are wanting to know more about.

    I’m a Networking Coach and love to share tips, whether they are my own personal ones or others’ that I find in my research. I just shared your post on my FB page and on FriendFeed as well as Twitter. Hope this is of help to you.

    To Your Networking Success!
    Carol Deckert

  • Reynold Nazareth

    Really an eye opener with so many Don’ts while meeting someone. Thanks for sharing the information. Looking forward to more articles from you.

  • Michele

    Great points – all of them!

    It’s important to pay attention when networking in any setting. As previously mentioned (especially at networking events), there are many connections to be made, things to do, people to see, etc. While it’s great to really “connect” with someone, it’s also important to pay attention to their signals (especially non-verbal ones) and respect their time limits.

    Following up appropriately after a meeting is always better than “overstaying your welcome” on one occasion.

    To success!

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  • yvettefrancino

    Hi Samuel,
    Very interesting. I'm interested in networking as well and have a blog about social media / networking. I'll go ahead and add your blog to my blog roll. I actually love networking… my problem isn't so much about how to diplomatically move to a new person, but more about how to foster relationships with so many people!

  • Sam Diener

    thanks!

  • Don Harkness

    Well done and a good topic. c

  • http://www.linkedin.com/in/jrhorrell Jim Horrell

    Hello, Sam,

    Thank you for sharing more tips about the interesting process of networking. I am guilty of spending time at networking events with people I am already connected to. However, I feel I have a good reason. Most of the people I consider in my “core network” — a term I just made up — are often too busy with their own lives to be able to meet with me for coffee. As a result, I feel if I know they are at an event that I will be attending, I feel comfortable approaching them and asking them to spend time with me. The drawback by doing this, of course, is that I then don't get to meet as many people as I otherwise would, which means I may end up missing out on a good contact.

    Your “TRY THIS” technique sounds like three baseball players chasing after a pop fly into short right field. It is amazing if someone actually catches the ball, but is quite ugly if any step of the process goes astray. Although I enjoy meeting people, I don't think I have the skill to do this one. If any of your other readers have the courage to try it and they pull it off, I bet they feel and should feel pretty proud of themselves.

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  • http://www.johnexleyonline.com JohnExley

    This is an important topic within networking, and I prefer your tip to use a “summation closer” when attempting to close a conversation. I think that a specific follow-up action is the best way to go. Commit yourself to a date and time within the upcoming week and send an email or give the person a call, then schedule an in-person meeting if possible.

    I also think it's important to always say thank you, and within 24 hours. If you're at event and a friend/colleague formally introduces you to someone successful or whom you were trying to meet, sending your friend/colleague a short but sweet thank you note will go a long way towards developing your relationship and enhancing your reputation as a 'man/woman who takes action'.

  • jcmornod

    these are basic advices and should already be in your behaviour before you do business.
    There should be no difference between what you do out of or in business situation.
    Otherwise you are a dual personality and/or should be in Holywood movies !

  • Name

    This is a very useful, little discussed topic. Thanks for the reminders!

  • Sam Diener

    It's a shame they aren't for most people!

  • http://www.careertier.com/ Stephanie Robertson

    Exceptional approach on an extremely sensitive (yet common) networking subject. Kudos!

  • http://www.clevexinfosoft.com/ Himanshu Vyas

    Another useful article. It's helping to an entrepreneur. GREAT. Thanks you my friend. I will keep in touch with your blog always.

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  • chris

    Another thing to do is make an observation. Such as “Oh look there's some food brought out.” Or “Wow there are a lot of people here.” Things will naturally wind down from there.

  • http://jayneh.wordpress.com Jayne H

    Excellent suggestions, Sam. It is just good manners to politely end a conversation (actually anywhere, even with your Aunt Susan at a family cookout!) without “looking” like you can't wait to get away from the person – “tapping your foot, checking your watch, scanning the room,” (using your examples). Especially if you're a Job Seeker. You never know where the person you're “looking like you're desperate to get away from” may end up at their next job….perhaps the Hiring Manager for one of your future interviews….Thanks for some great tips!

  • curtisroberts

    Engage them in your exit, “Steve, now that you know a good bit about me, who else have you spoke with tonight that would be a good contact for me?” Your chatty contact can then serve as a warm contact for your next conversation and be a hero for the introduction.

  • A

    New to networking, new to business, found this information very helpful–thanks!

  • http://www.samdiener.com Sam Diener

    thank you very much Stephanie!

  • http://www.samdiener.com Sam Diener

    glad to hear it!

  • http://www.samdiener.com Sam Diener

    John – thank you very much for your comments. It's great to see a guy like you on here!

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  • ron

    Your last technique is very effective but even more so when you can get the 3rd party engaged with the original party and then excuse yourself politely. Leave them talking and you could be the hero; although the 3rd party should not necessarily be a good or close friend.

  • ron

    Your last technique is very effective but even more so when you can get the 3rd party engaged with the original party and then excuse yourself politely. Leave them talking and you could be the hero; although the 3rd party should not necessarily be a good or close friend.

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