You can call me judgmental. I am.
Once you have given me that first handshake, I have already gathered mostly everything I need to know about you. Sorry, it’s nothing personal. Well, actually it might be, and we will get to that.
I don’t generally leave the house with a “network with me” sign on my back. But I do seem to get around. I must decide quickly who to keep in touch with and who to put in the circular file. Did you know that every recruiter, entrepreneur, executive, and hiring manager EVERYWHERE does the exact same thing? Are they judgmental too? Or are they simply pragmatic?
Most people give you ten seconds to make your first impression. That’s it. No one means to be cruel. It’s just that there are so many people to meet and so little time. Everyone wants to give their full attention to those that properly align with their goals. If you fail someone in the first ten seconds, how could they possibly want to get to know you more? So here’s the punch:
The conventional wisdom out there says that the first ten seconds after you introduce yourself are the most critical. I disagree. I say you have seven seconds before and as you walk up, and then three seconds before the person has formed the impression we are targeting. Let’s take a look at each.
The Seven Seconds Before
Everyone gives you approximately seven seconds of attention before you meet them.
I guarantee that you are on their radar about seven seconds before they are talking to you.
People are generally paying attention to three things: how you work the room, your vibe, and how you approach them.
-How you work the room: The best way to work a room is to get really good at reading first impressions and always be talking about something with someone. You know, it’s okay to go to a networking event just to watch the best. There are some things to keep in mind as well:
If you are a business card warrior, stop it. Handing out your business card to 100 people you talk to for thirty seconds each makes you look desperate. Everyone else sees you doing it too. By the time you come and talk to me, I am blowing you off. Why? Because I paid attention to what you were selling before you walked up and now I’m not buying.
Sitting down in a corner playing with your Blackberry? I know it’s amazing that you have the technology to know that Ashton Kutcher is “eating lunch” -but you have to stop that too. People always see you doing it and you are giving the impression that you have more important business with someone that’s not here. If you have to make a call or take a call, leave the room. Anything that takes your attention away from making connections will be noticed by someone and that someone could have been your most important impression of the night. You just blew it because you just had to “Tweet.”
Standing alone twiddling your thumbs is really the worst thing you can do. Remember how you always notice the person sitting alone with no friends at the bar? Well, now people are noticing you standing alone at the networking event. It’s okay though – there are plenty of people to talk to! And that’s all you have to do. Say hi to someone! Everyone standing alone is uncomfortable too and will WELCOME a random introduction.
Also, keep in mind that you may be overheard talking about anything. Watch what you say. If you are at a conference, think over very carefully what you say in front of a large audience. You will be prejudged! People always remember the person who asks a memorable question. Good or Bad…
Your Aura – This is how you make the people around you feel. This is quite a tricky one to manage, and I will go into it in a separate article. Most of it is done through body language. Simply keep in mind that you are being watched for this as well. One thing that will immediately make your “aura” better is to talk to three people with no intentions and not care about the result. You will feel more social, and it will impact how you look to others quite quickly.
Your Approach – How you make your way into the conversation. This can quickly say a lot about you. It is quite weird to make a beeline from the corner where you are sitting, fifty feet right into someone’s personal space. I have seen it done. Immediately it makes the approached feel very defensive, kind of like the hockey goalie in a 1 on 1 shootout.
The best approach is to ease your way into conversation with someone. If you are working the room properly, this happens naturally as you can work the room towards your target. Also, if you can do it properly, joining into a 3 way conversation works quite well. Correctly timing your approach and doing it properly is based on body language. It’s a little complex, and so I will address this later. For your job seekers, however, I do have a pertinent tip. If you are waiting to talk to the recruiter or hiring manager, your “7 seconds of judgment” is occurring while you wait your turn to speak. Listen carefully to the conversation of the person in front of you.
Here’s an assignment. If you have trouble with your first impression, I want you to find someone who is better than you at networking, and attend an event with them. Watch the way they work the room, and their approaches. As I said before, you learn a LOT by watching. You won’t be any different than the other 100 people in the room who don’t know how to network.
The Three Seconds After
If you are truly a pro at working the room, and managing the “seven seconds before,” you won’t even need to worry about this. People will be approaching you! However, then there is me, and most others. We work our tails off to get better at networking, and we usually have to go out of our way to make the introduction. The time from when you find yourself face to face with the other party, until the time you finish the handshake and the “Hi, my name is” is your three seconds. I don’t want to be a complete buzzkill, and some may have already experienced this – but generally this is all the time you will get from an extremely busy person. To follow up, if you give a bad first impression, most professionals won’t be so rude as to completely blow you off, but you generally won’t achieve any result from the interaction. Read on…. So the last three seconds come down to your handshake and body language, your voice and tone, and your attire.
The Handshake and Body Language: I just wrote an article on handshakes! Click here and go read it! And the handshake does really matter. I didn’t just write this to get you to read my last article too!
Your body language says 93% of everything. That’s why I have to devote another piece to it. But I won’t leave you without a few tips:
- When you introduce yourself or are first meeting someone, make sure you are just inside their social space. That is approximately an arm length and a half away – about two and a half feet. Too far or too close and you just freaked someone out.
- Be sure to square your shoulders, and your feet towards the person. If it is not too awkward, you should try to mimic the posture that the other person is giving you. Observational studies have shown that when you are comfortable around someone, you subconsciously mimic each other’s body language.
- I can’t skip eye contact either. This is something you should practice. In a mirror, or with your closest friends.
Your Voice and Tone: It’s never what you say, it’s how you say it. Okay, we all know that, but did you ever really sit back and consider it? Think about you how you can say “Hello” to your best friend, and have them immediately know something is wrong, or excellent for that matter. When you go in for an introduction, your only phrase should be a variant of “Hello, my name is…” or “I couldn’t help but noticing…” etc. etc. Whatever it is you say, you must convey confidence – Even if you are extremely nervous. Generally for both men and women, speaking from your belly is the way to go. It makes your voice deeper, and resonates more. Try this: Hold your breath and put your hand on your well-chiseled abs. As you say “Hello, my name is” try and push your hand out. You should sound and feel different talking. Remember how this feels, and practice.
By the way, brush your teeth, floss, AND use mouthwash before you network. Nothing I can tell you will overcome the immediate failure bad breath will cause you.
Attire: This is job-hunting 101! Guys make sure that your shoes, watch, and belt all match! And NO WHITE SOCKS. If you need more help figuring out what to wear, there are plenty of great resources on the internet on what you should be wearing for different events. However, it is always business casual to business formal, depending on the event.
Now, Ladies, you are not exempt. However, I am in NO position to give you any advice. But I did ask Penelope Trunk of Brazen Careerist to. She offered the following:
“Spend money on hair. Good cut and color is expensive but you wear it
every day and it makes a big difference. Rotate fewer outfits to
afford nicer clothes. Expensive clothes make you look more organized
and better looking because of how they hang on you and how they
wrinkle. Schloompy does not look smart. It’s not necessarily right or
fair, but it’s true.”
Conclusions: I know this is a lot of information. Thanks for sticking through it! If you want to get better, I can guarantee you must PRACTICE it. You can only get better.
As always, I love to receive feedback and comments. Even more, I like job offers. Even more than that, my paypal account is….. just kidding. If you liked this article, I recommend clicking “related posts” above, and reading the other ones…. Good luck!
I would like to give a quick thank you to Kellie Bowers for her editing expertise, and to Penelope Trunk for her valuable contribution.
Share This Post:
